Last Thursday, the RHS administration announced that it had found swastikas in the library, a discovery that is only the latest development in a string of discovered hate symbols.
This startling finding comes a few years after a flurry of controversy surrounding a swastika etched into a table in the library. In 2014, a school wide manhunt was spawned in an attempt to catch the little Aryan responsible for this heinous defacing of school property. In addition to this, RHS took measures to eliminate all antisemitism from its halls with a swift, aggressive, and above all, successful anti-antisemitism campaign. Now, not only are the insignia greater in number, but also greater in size.
The sinful signage discovered comes in the form of the cubicles dispersed throughout the library, which an administrator recently noticed look like swastikas.
“This hateful furniture cannot be allowed in our building! If we permit desks in the shape of swastikas, what’s to stop chairs that look like the hammer and sickle or a desk lamp that’s also a burning cross from being put in schools?”
The administration has declared a search to find the student responsible that will “stop at nothing.” It has already come to the conclusion that it could only have been a student responsible for these Ikea icons of intolerance, and is determined on finding who it was who so stealthily placed them, how they did it, and above all, why didn’t anyone tell the main office.
Dr. Gross has publicly lauded the investigational team as highly efficient and effective for determining that it was a student so quickly. The team, which consists only of Mrs. Amato, who was selected because she was “the most recent librarian to read a mystery novel,” is now hot on the tracks of Hitler’s Youth’s Youth’s Youth, and is expected to find the perpetrator any day now. When reached out to, Mrs. Amato had the following to say.
Dr. Gross and her crack team of one investigator have received criticism for assuming a student is responsible, with skeptics asking how a student could bring in a dozen tables, assemble them in the library, and then have no one in the administration notice for years. To this, Dr. Gross says, “Obviously this is a student, as that is what my handpicked team says. Besides, I think I would know if I, or anyone else in the administration for that matter, had ordered the desks.” When reporters from The Ridgefield Report approached Dr. Gross with an order form for more of the tables that includes her signature on the bottom, Dr. Gross defended herself by saying, “Am I supposed to look at and read everything I sign? That’s ridiculous!”
While we await justice to be served, we at The Ridgefield Report remind our readers to please not put any potentially offensive furniture in our school, and we thank you for your compliance.